Different Choices

I lost my family 32 years ago and never got another one. I realize now the latter is mostly because of my choices. I’m gonna start making different choices now, because I do want a love and family of my own. I’m choosing to start working toward that goal immediately. I know now that a family is the thing that I want more than anything. A part of me thought admitting that would somehow weaken me. It doesn’t. I feel more empowered now. I know I can survive alone, but I don’t want to anymore. I want to share my love and life and future with family. My own family.

I guess Imma just let the universe send me a new one when the time comes.

Sing what I bought!

So… I  was at the Black Family Reunion here in DC on Saturday for the FREE concert. J. Moss (Whoever he is), Regina Belle (Grammy Award Winner), Chrisette Michel (Off The Hook), and Musiq Souldchild (WTF!) were all performing. I must say, that overall I enjoyed the show, but when that damn Musiq got on stage I thought I was going to really enjoy his performance, and to my surprise, it was just mediocre. He gets up on stage humming and lullabying and shit, and changing keys, and I’m like WTF! Can you just sing what I bought! I’ve purchased every one of his albums, and for the past 10 years have been a pretty solid fan. While, I’ll continue to support him, and remain a fan, I need to get in touch with his people somehow about him changing shit up on me. His vocals were lazy to a large degree, and then he had the audacity to get on stage and attempt to sing a song from the OnMyRadio album that he recorded with Mary J. Blige. I couldn’t believe that the chick that he chose to sing Mary J’s part was the best that he could have done. That shit was appalling and she sounded horrible. He would have done better singing the whole song his damn self. Then, while he’s up there changing keys, he must have forgotten the key he changed it to and then went back to the original. Talk about confused!  So shortly after that song, he starts singing another song and then stops the shit, just to start it all over again because he said it was too emotional for him. Damnit! If it’s too emotional, don’t sing the shit! Especially if you’re going to stop it, just to start it over.  I didn’t know what to do, so eventually I just got up and left. I had already been there for several hours and I had to go to the bathroom. But, just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse he added a fucking go-go beat to his last song. Are you fucking serious Musiq? Really? The next time you do some foolishness like that I’m taking all of the damn CD’s back to the store. Get your lazy, key-changing, cock-eyed ass on that stage, and DAMNIT you better SING WHAT I BOUGHT!


Getting It Started…

At about 3 am on Tuesday, September 7, 2010 marked the beginning of the end of my procrastination with writing. It’s something that I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time, and have finally crossed over. While many of my works of poetry have already been copyrighted through the Library of Congress, there are others that have not. But don’t you people get any ideas about trying to steal my shit! This website allows me to post things without having to publish them through the Library of Congress and I am still ABSOLUTELY entitled to all of my shit! LOL! But anyway… This website and blogging page is brand new, and will be a work in progress for quite some time, so just bear with me. I aint finished yet. All of my life’s ups and downs as I have experienced them are coming out. All of my feeling’s about this same life are coming out too. Take note, that this aint about nobody but me. It’s theraputic finding a way to share. Because if I keep all to myself, the people around me are really gonna think that I’m crazy. I’m no computer genius and I’m trying to add things and post things when I find the time to. So, I’ll be sifting through this website trying to learn it as you all read what I have to say. If you don’t like it, that’s okay. I always do what I wanna do anyway… SO… Grab some tissue, grab a baseball bat, grab your mate, and grab your seats, because my whirlwind of views regarding sex, love, politics, love, money, love, religion, love, God, love, and unconditional love are sure to show you just how I feel, and maybe help you bring out the things that you feel too.

Their Darkest Knight

So filled with despair, I cannot breathe, I have no air.

No chair to take a seat and no bed to rest my head.

Emotionally detached from the world around me.

Trying not to fall victim to its sanctimony.

Fighting to the death, but I have almost nothing left.

But with no white light in sight, I must continue the fight for all that is right, just, and true. No matter how blue my heart is, no matter how few understand it.

So with a raised hand and a clenched fist, I press on, merciless.

I don’t serve this country. I serve the people.

The people who seek freedom, the people who want to be equal.

Defenseless against a system so often contradicted.

Repudiated justice, provoking resentment.

Innumerable witnesses to lies of this system, but no one takes a stand, too afraid to write a sentence. They won’t make waves because they think they’re unaffected.

But the detriment is their own, and totally unexpected.

Cronyism’s cupidity, cryptic stupidity, and interminable lies have taken their toll on me.

Discerning the hatred for which they have no basis, they seek to impeach me, because I make them face it.

Deserving atonement but reluctantly agreeing to its postponement, I try to show patience even in the face of their shamelessness.

But I’ll never give in, or give up on this fight. I’ll take them on alone, even their darkest knight.

The Love You’re Compared To

The Love you’re compared to was born in 1999, in a place deep down inside with no perception of time. So sublime, that love was all mine. It was written in the stars, I could see the signs. A love that’s forever, we knew it then, but our fate was a break up because our ideals wouldn’t blend. Over the years we stayed in touch, and together we even spent time. We laughed, we cried, and still managed to argue half the time. A deeper connection grew, even through the distance. We met other people, and made even more commitments. Eventually a friendship ensued, one in truth without limitations or fear of what we knew. This love loves me loves me far more than you do.

The Love You’re compared to doesn’t harbor grudges or judge my past. This love doesn’t point any fingers or try to keep any tabs. This love never yields and always remains true. This love loves me far more than you do.

I Love You too, I really do, but not more than I love “The Love You’re Compared To”.

On My Mind

So… Tonight I embark on the journey of writing all of the crazy, funny, sad, depressing, exciting, dangerous, foolish, inspiring, and real thoughts and experiences that have moved me through life and made me the man that I’ve become. What’s weird is that, some days I don’t even know who I’ve become. I’ve been trying to learn why my emotions carry me through life the way they do, and how I can change how I feel if one day I so choose. I’m just here though, writing all of this down for the world to see me, while I learn to understand me. This has been a long time coming, and hopefully I can press on to one day having my own website and domain. Because If I can help anyone understand their situation better, while I’m learning to understand, I’m happy to do it. My constant struggle in life has been my issues with love, so you’ll be reading a whole lot about my experiences in and out of love. You’ll feel the passion in my words, the joy and pain in my heart, and sometimes the confusion in my head. But it’ll all be me. My voice, my strengths, my weaknesses, my spirit, and my heart.

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