Archive for September 7th, 2010

Getting It Started…


At about 3 am on Tuesday, September 7, 2010 marked the beginning of the end of my procrastination with writing. It’s something that I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time, and have finally crossed over. While many of my works of poetry have already been copyrighted through the Library of Congress, there are others that have not. But don’t you people get any ideas about trying to steal my shit! This website allows me to post things without having to publish them through the Library of Congress and I am still ABSOLUTELY entitled to all of my shit! LOL! But anyway… This website and blogging page is brand new, and will be a work in progress for quite some time, so just bear with me. I aint finished yet. All of my life’s ups and downs as I have experienced them are coming out. All of my feeling’s about this same life are coming out too. Take note, that this aint about nobody but me. It’s theraputic finding a way to share. Because if I keep all to myself, the people around me are really gonna think that I’m crazy. I’m no computer genius and I’m trying to add things and post things when I find the time to. So, I’ll be sifting through this website trying to learn it as you all read what I have to say. If you don’t like it, that’s okay. I always do what I wanna do anyway… SO… Grab some tissue, grab a baseball bat, grab your mate, and grab your seats, because my whirlwind of views regarding sex, love, politics, love, money, love, religion, love, God, love, and unconditional love are sure to show you just how I feel, and maybe help you bring out the things that you feel too.

Winning


Seemingly you’re a gentle breeze, and masculine with great ease.

When I see you a weakness comes over my knees, and I find it hard to breathe.

Every Night you’re in my dreams, and everyday you’re all I want to see.

Not sure what you’re doing to me, but don’t stop, I beg of you…PLEASE!

It doesn’t feel right without you beside me each night.

Don’t know what to do about this inevitable plight, but whatever it takes, whatever the cost, for you I will fight.

The secrecy is killing me, and my emotions are filling me, up and up and away, without shame, not playing any games.

I’m losing my mind, waiting for just one sign, praying that you won’t decline.

So I ask, will you be mine?

When you speak to me I tremble.

When you look at me I envision, my life with you, my time with you.

I don’t know what to do.

This battle I cannot lose, it’s winning I choose.

Their Darkest Knight


So filled with despair, I cannot breathe, I have no air.

No chair to take a seat and no bed to rest my head.

Emotionally detached from the world around me.

Trying not to fall victim to its sanctimony.

Fighting to the death, but I have almost nothing left.

But with no white light in sight, I must continue the fight for all that is right, just, and true. No matter how blue my heart is, no matter how few understand it.

So with a raised hand and a clenched fist, I press on, merciless.

I don’t serve this country. I serve the people.

The people who seek freedom, the people who want to be equal.

Defenseless against a system so often contradicted.

Repudiated justice, provoking resentment.

Innumerable witnesses to lies of this system, but no one takes a stand, too afraid to write a sentence. They won’t make waves because they think they’re unaffected.

But the detriment is their own, and totally unexpected.

Cronyism’s cupidity, cryptic stupidity, and interminable lies have taken their toll on me.

Discerning the hatred for which they have no basis, they seek to impeach me, because I make them face it.

Deserving atonement but reluctantly agreeing to its postponement, I try to show patience even in the face of their shamelessness.

But I’ll never give in, or give up on this fight. I’ll take them on alone, even their darkest knight.

She


To me you mean the world.

A beautiful woman, and inside, a talented little girl.

The words you spit soothe my soul, and the melodies you sing capture my world.

Because of you, I know “When It Hurts So Bad” why it feels so good.

And “Nothing Even Matters”, but really I knew it would.

Through my own “Miseducation” I’ve “Lost Ones” and did “That Thing”.

But “Just Like The Water”, I’ve found “Peace of Mind”.

Now “Everything is Everything”.

Finally Over (9-21-2008)


Finally over, finally done. The final chapter, I’ve finally won.

I’ve gotten my heart back; mind, body and soul too.

I’ve finally had my closure and I’m finally over you.

You tried to defend the position you claim.

You tried to confuse me one last time by deflecting the blame.

But this time I was finally able to tell you the truth about how you made me feel.

I was finally able to tell you the truths you never tried to hear.

You said it will never be over, because you’ll never let me go.

You said you’d always be in my head, but there’s something you didn’t know.

I’m stronger and wiser, and can see myself through the tears.

I realized I was strong all along, and after all these years.

So maybe you can admit it now, or somewhere down the line.

But this time it’s finally over, and my feelings for you are no longer blind.

While I’m certain, no one loved you more than me, and no one ever will

I’m finally done, it’s finally over, even if your will won’t yield.

Naive


When I was sixteen, I met a man

3 months went by before our love affair began

Caught all up in his charm

Never thought he’d do me any harm

But a nine-year difference in age made me an easy target to manipulate

I’d never felt this way

So I was easily swayed into the lies he told

I couldn’t imagine what was about to unfold

At the start of it, our love was bliss

Often I’d awake to his morning kiss

I was living in a dream

Until I realized it was all an evil scheme

But now I’m older, and I see

He didn’t really love me

He just controlled me, cause I was naïve

He began to take my thoughts away, replacing them with his own

I’d try to leave, and he’d make me stay saying he couldn’t be alone

He never wanted to be with me, just wanted me under his control

It took me a while to figure it out, but I got wise cause the shit got old

Now I’m on top and he’s down low

Now he’s oblivious to my flow

He may not now, but one day he will know

What comes around will come, and what goes around will go.

Good Luck Chuck


How we meet is how we’ll leave.

Oh God! Why does this have to be?

How can love come so fast, then leave so abruptly?

How can he whisper sweet nothings, and then change his mind so swiftly?

Maybe he just can’t handle what he wants, so what he has is his destiny.

Destined to be with her, instead of with me.

Destined to be complacent, too afraid to take a leap.

He can’t stray away from life’s pedantic rules.

He’s so bogged down with fear; he’s unable to choose.

He’s too indecisive for me, and I can’t wait around and still lose.

So I must move on, unafraid to make my own rules.

I’m falling out of love, slowly and steadily.

I’m changing my mind about him, and I’m almost ready.

I’m leaving him alone, no more emails or telephones.

Got Damn it, I’m grown and not afraid of being on my own.

I’m stepping away from him to offer my life to another to share.

He’s finally out of my system…

No more Good Luck Chuck and truth or dare.

Patience


The only patience I ever knew was the patience it took to be in love with you.

I take my time in everything I do, and I pray every night to ensure my heart is true.

Every thought in my mind is a thought of you.

Thoughts of a relationship, creative and new.

Your presence is bittersweet and often sweeps me off my feet.

Your walk is tantalizing, masculine, and unique.

I love to dream about you at night when I’m asleep.

My mind is always craving you.

My brain it has no peace.

Your way is elusive, passionate and discreet.

My heart, it pounds for you and sometimes skips a beat.

I love you so much and pray you never leave.

Cause baby, you’re a breath of life, and I need to breathe.

No Longer Your Little Secret


I’m here to stay, and here to make my own way. Love it or Leave it, is what I have to say. So long ago I was afraid. Afraid of what I thought you might think of me. Afraid that you would belittle me. Afraid to be me. ME!!!! I know who “Me” is. I know who “I” am, and I know what I wont accept. You don’t have to believe in me, it won’t matter anyway. But you will Listen!!!! You’ll listen because you’re drawn to me, and what I’m saying. You’ll listen because it has substance. You’ll listen because I’m shouting from the Mountain Tops!!!! You’ll listen because you don’t have a choice! I’m not what you expect of me. I wont ever fit into your box. I’m never going to say what you want me to say, or feel what you think I should. YOU DON’T OWN ME!!!! YOU CAN’T CONTROL ME!!!! But you will listen! You can’t hide me, or shut me up! You can’t deny my rights because your life’s messed up. You can’t contain my Spirit, because you didn’t give it to me! So what makes you think you can just take it away? I’m not your secret! I won’t hide behind you or follow your command. I won’t let you walk in front of me when we should be walking hand in hand. If you don’t want me, then you can go. And please don’t ever think you’re “Irreplaceable”! You see, I have the “Gift Of Goodbye”! Ask those from my past and they’ll tell you why. I’m a Free Spirit, not some dirty little secret. I’m a human being, and I have feelings. If you want the truth, you have to live in truth. When you hide who you are, to appease the masses, the only one who get hurt is you. YOU!!! “The Truth, It Needs No Proof!” I don’t owe you a thing. And I don’t have to prove anything. I’ll just say, I’m not 15 anymore. I’m not a little boy. I’m not impressionable, and I’m not your play toy. I’m not still in High School and far too old to still be a fool. I’ll never be what you want me to. I’ll be what God created in me, not what he created in you. So, love it or leave, but show me some respect, cause I’m no longer willing to be your little secret!

Vision of You


A picturesque idea you are

Like an emotional fantasy gone too far

A dream cast from a shooting star

A conspiracy theory with no ending part

You can’t imagine the things I see

A future so bright with you and me

A love so clear and destined to stay

Like a clear sky with no sign of rain

This is my poetic justice I offer today

With all the do rights, no wrongs done in your name

I hope my efforts are not in vain

Or an unjust rhapsody concluded with pain

We’re nearing a future where true feelings come to light

And love is no longer blind it too will have sight

Trust is the key to open the door

A door with no walls so love can live once more

The Love You’re Compared To


The Love you’re compared to was born in 1999, in a place deep down inside with no perception of time. So sublime, that love was all mine. It was written in the stars, I could see the signs. A love that’s forever, we knew it then, but our fate was a break up because our ideals wouldn’t blend. Over the years we stayed in touch, and together we even spent time. We laughed, we cried, and still managed to argue half the time. A deeper connection grew, even through the distance. We met other people, and made even more commitments. Eventually a friendship ensued, one in truth without limitations or fear of what we knew. This love loves me loves me far more than you do.

The Love You’re compared to doesn’t harbor grudges or judge my past. This love doesn’t point any fingers or try to keep any tabs. This love never yields and always remains true. This love loves me far more than you do.

I Love You too, I really do, but not more than I love “The Love You’re Compared To”.

I Remember Daddy


I remember daddy, the man I never wanted to be

I remember daddy, the man who could never be me

No one ever saw the things I would see

And no one could believe the pain that I hold so deep

You see, this man he wasn’t my daddy,

He was just a man who tried to be

I guess it made him feel like a man

To beat me until he bruised my whole body

Beat me while I stood, Watched me as I fell

Beat me on the bed, made me hold on to the rail

He tried to make me a man, Oh well I guess he failed

Cause if a man is what he was

I’d rather take the “L”

I remember daddy, the man I never wanted to be

I remember daddy, the man who could never be me

No one ever saw the things I would see

And no one could believe the pain that I hold so deep

Now I’m all grown up and left his evil clutch

Now I have a voice,

So these days he doesn’t say much

We go on as if there’s no tension there

But the tension’s so thick it clouds the air

I guess now he knows, I’m not scared

But now he must face it

The truth, He will bear!

I’ve waited so long for his respect,

I’m sure I have it now,

Cause now I make him sweat

I remember daddy, the man I never wanted to be

I remember daddy, the man who could never be me

No one ever saw the things I would see

And no one could believe the pain that I hold so deep

Life for me ain’t been no Crystal Stair

But growing up, I learned to grin and bear

I got out alive, and made it this far

I’ve come a long way, with only a few scars

And the life I once lived will always remain

But the life I once lived did not make me insane

I remember daddy, the man I never wanted to be

I remember daddy, the man who could never be me

No one ever saw the things I would see

And no one could believe the pain that I hold so deep

On My Mind


So… Tonight I embark on the journey of writing all of the crazy, funny, sad, depressing, exciting, dangerous, foolish, inspiring, and real thoughts and experiences that have moved me through life and made me the man that I’ve become. What’s weird is that, some days I don’t even know who I’ve become. I’ve been trying to learn why my emotions carry me through life the way they do, and how I can change how I feel if one day I so choose. I’m just here though, writing all of this down for the world to see me, while I learn to understand me. This has been a long time coming, and hopefully I can press on to one day having my own website and domain. Because If I can help anyone understand their situation better, while I’m learning to understand, I’m happy to do it. My constant struggle in life has been my issues with love, so you’ll be reading a whole lot about my experiences in and out of love. You’ll feel the passion in my words, the joy and pain in my heart, and sometimes the confusion in my head. But it’ll all be me. My voice, my strengths, my weaknesses, my spirit, and my heart.

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